Dear Jackson,
Wow! Nine years have gone by since you came into my life, into our lives. And I cannot imagine a time without you. You gave me the chance to be a mom. I can still remember the day I found out I was pregnant with you. I remember the joy and excitement just bursting. It was almost surreal and I remember just telling it to myself over and over again to have something tangible to make it real because at that point, I was only 4 weeks along and couldn't "feel" much that was different. I wasn't supposed to say anything, but I was soo excited. I remember calling my mom on the way down the hill to work and making her swear not to tell. I'm sure she told your grandpa.
In one more year you will enter the double digit phase in life. What that means for us, I have no idea. You have taught me that no matter how many "parenting" books I read, real life is all it's own. Real life ebbs and flows in no was any book has prepared me for. Your first nine years have been filled with such amazing ups (and downs if I'm being honest) that I know I never felt prepared. Jackson, I always thought I was made to be a mom. I was an awesome babysitter. I had been a camp counselor and a nanny. I took the child development classes in college, I even took it a step further for school counseling. But as your mom, holy cow! You are such an amazing and complex kiddo that there is definitely truth to the fact that one is never prepared to be a mom. But there is also truth to the fact, at least that we believe, that God only gives us what we can handle.
Jackson, I don't always feel equipped to "handle" what you bring me. Sometimes it's questions about life, history or even this last week math (and by the way, when did math change?). And love, sometimes I get very jealous of your dad because he is sooo good at connecting with you and talking with you. But we make a good team, and we especially make a good team for you.
You have always been an inquisitive kid. One who doesn't accept any answer at face value. It's a great trait bug, and we are constantly working on how to ask those questions. You are bright and creative, and you are starting to understand humor and sarcasm. It's funny and exciting because it's you on a whole new level. Jackson, you have a wit about you that is absolutely amazing. And as you continue to capture it and develop it, I have no doubt that you will be as funny as the next guy, and possibly even funnier because your jokes are typically regular comments that are made to be play on words. They are hilarious!
You do and I'm sure always will go fast. Sometimes I try to imagine what your brain is thinking at any given moment and I can't. I know you are processing life at such a faster speed than I am bug. That's just how your brain works. We are learning, and getting better each day!
You love history books and nonfiction books. You are constantly pouring over them and telling us facts about whatever topic is at hand. You love to play and have fun, most recently playing chess and putting together legos. You will sit and do these for hours. You also LOVE to play outside. You have games you play that light up your world.
Jackson, you are still so loving and are keeping that side of you. You love when I come for lunch at your school. You don't always want me right by you, but you want to know that I am there. And I promise you bug, I am always there. You are always learning and wanting to know more. Your teacher tells me that you hear things once and that's it. You don't need to hear them again because you've got it. I love how you are willing to help other students once you've got it because we don't all learn the same way and when push comes to shove, your tender part comes out. Jackson, you have a very strong sense of right and wrong. You can always explain your reasoning, and you never act without a thought (which sometimes makes me chuckle at how logical your thought is).
Jackson, you are a true friend to your friends. Yet you are still learning how to navigate the friend world. There are unspoken rules that don't always make themselves clear as you deal with people. We are still trying to figure out how all your systems work. We've pretty much got it all dialed in, but there are still some mysteries we are working with. I'll be honest, that part I wish I could fix right now. I wish I could say that from this day on, you would not "feel tired and just not well" unless we knew you were sick. I think it's going to take more time for me to get there, but know bug I won't stop. I am your biggest supporter. I will always be there to cheer you on, to hold you accountable and to give you all the opportunities to grow into the Godly man that you are on the path to becoming.
Jackson, we've had such a ride these first nine years, I can hardly wait to see what your next nine years bring. I remember that this will be your last year without taking naps because when you were four (I think) you told me that you didn't take naps anymore. You said that you would start taking naps again when you were ten. I completely remember thinking that that was so far away. But it's right around the corner. You became a Bear in Cub Scouts when you turned nine. You declared your school schedule "too tight" to do the school play because rehearsals would be within the school day. You are your own kid, and I couldn't be more proud to be your mom. You turned on a light in my life I didn't know was turned off bug.
No matter what the next years bring, and I know they will bring us more ups and downs, I am confident we will get through them together. I love you more than you will ever know. I promise you I will hold you accountable for your choices and your actions so that you understand what becoming a man of God means. I promise you will continue to grow up in a home that is centered on Christ so that you will know you will never be alone. With your life centered on Christ, you can do anything you choose to do. Jackson, I promise to support your choices, and their consequences (both positive and negative). You are amazing love. I know you know that, and I pray you never forget it.
I love you!!! Love,
Mom
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